A Flash of Light.

        I get a flash of a second with young women.

        Thirty to forty-five minutes seems like a trivial moment in the grand scheme of their entire lives, especially when I know well what I am up against. 

       I get a fleeting minute to tell the ones who do not believe it that they are valuable, worthy, loved, and beautiful. 

        I get a split second to share truths with them that some have never heard in their lives...

        You are important. You matter. There is a great purpose for your life. Your DNA was painted by the hand of the God of the universe. You are forgivable, lovable, beautiful, and worthy. Your body is a sacred place. 

        And my heart continues to give into heaviness because I watch this world which surrounds young women closely and I know I get a flash of a second and Miley Cyrus gets hours and hours with them. Interview after topless interview, Instagram photo after inappropriate song.

        I get this fleeting moment and Demi Lovato gets weeks. They hear from these women day after day - women who post photos of their naked bodies as objects on Instagram to be liked, praised, or ridiculed. The young women I speak to are taught on a daily basis that nothing is sacred - sex is a game - our bodies are objects for all to see.

        The half hour God allows anyone to share a message of true identity and hope with them can feel like nothing. 

        It challenges every bone in my body and feels like just a fraction of what could make a difference until I get that one message, that one email that reminds me of what I know well...the reality of what one half hour can do for the life of anyone who walks the earth...

       She tells me, this young woman, that in the 30 minutes that God's truth of her identity fell upon her ears...her life was changed profoundly. She vulnerably opens her heart to tell me this half hour was the first time she has ever heard that she matters. It was the first day in a very long time she did not go home and harm herself because of this profound revelation that resonated in her heart. She tells me that this 30 minutes saved her life. 

        And God whispers it to me again and again...

        Do not ever underestimate that flash of a second. 

        Because that flash of a second is a flash of light, and in the darkness of the world, the light is different. The light is attractive. The light holds all power. 

        They will remember that moment of light.

        My gratitude overflows at the gift it is to walk alongside many others who see the value of that 30 minutes of sharing God with one teen - how amidst the deafening clamor of the world, opening the door to God for them to see this flash of light can change the entire course of their days. 

        We get many of these short moments with many people who walk through our lives. One second of showing God's love to someone can do monumental things...are you seizing that moment or letting it pass by? May every person we have an encounter with go away believing that there is still great love, peace, and charity still left in this world. 

"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness." - Blessed Mother Teresa 

Pondering When Blogging Feels Trivial.

           Things still feel trivial these days in light of the heartbreak happening in our world. 

            I struggle to put words on paper about anything inspiring because there are people fleeing for their lives at this. very. second. I cannot ignore the kind of suffering happening on Earth and the impact it has on my heart. We comfortably post all weekend about college football, about laying in the pool on Labor Day, taking pictures of our coffees and other picturesque scenes…and these souls a world over are fighting to stay alive, to protect their children, to get to any place of safety, while we struggle to get out of bed on a Tuesday after a long holiday weekend. I try to make sense of it all - but none of it seems to make any sense. 

            We watch these refugees on video, on the news, desperately fleeing to safety, and so many of the comfortable hearts in our country are unmoved. And I sit here, wondering…are we unmoved because it looks like another scene in a movie? We watch them both on screens. What is the difference in our minds between a script and reality? Is there one? Have we eliminated the difference between a movie and reality for people? Do people see so much horrifying violence that kills people in movies, that when it happens in real life it matters just as much as it does in a made-up story? Is the desensitization of our society that far-reaching? 

            Two journalists get killed on live television and our society has already forgotten. We hashtag about it for a day then move on with our lives. People are shot to death at a peaceful Bible study and it is now old news. We just continue on with our lives, because what is there for us to do? Last week, there was a shooting at Sacramento City College. One person was killed and a few injured while they were attending school. I would venture to say that few people know about this incident because it was not widely reported. Are shootings so common at schools, at workplaces, at churches, that they do not make the news anymore? How can that be?

            Obama gave one million dollars in grants to Planned Parenthood last week, and I am even more speechless than I was the time Congress did not defund Planned Parenthood. If it came to light that people were killing thousands of puppies every day, the outrage would be monstrous beyond measure. Nighttime TV hosts would be crying at the plight of the puppies, and it would be headline news. Where am I supposed to place the anger I feel in my heart over millions' of people's unabashed desire defend abortion, to defend their "right" to make decisions that do not have any consequences? To add to this, the outrage in light of the Center for Medical Progress videos has quickly subsided. People are not sharing the horrifying videos like they did by the 4th and 5th one. There are errands to get to, friends to meet up with, bills to pay. What can we do anyway? I cannot sit Obama and Congress down and force them to see babies killed by an organization that got a one million dollar grant last week. My heart continues to break and I continue to pray and help in my small way, but is it enough?

            In all my confusion, heartbreak, and anger, I know that we must look at the light that is within all of this...the light that is the people helping the refugees, the light that is people joining in community to mourn with one another, the light that is the pro-life workers, politicians, women working at pregnancy centers, and so many more who are dedicating time, energy, and effort to make a change in the midst of this brokenness. There are people doing good in the mess - people who look at the darkness and walk right toward it with their light to help, to heal, and to give. There is hope in it all, hope that is not as often reported as the tragedy is, but there is hope and mercy in the center of suffering...that hope and mercy walked 2000 years ago to help us make sense of it all.

            Keep your hearts up, friends, and remember that death lost its power long ago. May we consciously rejoice in the reality of the Resurrection, knowing as the days go on that this place is not our Home.

Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.

You're Going to Feel Like Alice.

            There is a woman I notice every time I go to Zumba class. You can't miss her. 

            Everyone is nearly in perfect harmony with their dance moves...they move left at the same time, and right at the same time. They turn around altogether on each count of the music. And then there is this lady in the middle of the room, just doing her own thing. I don't know her name, so we will call her Alice. She is listening to the very same music as everyone else, but she is twisting and turning all different ways and completely out of sync with the rest of us. It is not that she cannot dance...she just has her own song and dance happening within her. We move left, she bops up and down. We move right, she spins in a circle.

            I love to glance over at her throughout the class. I love it because I love people who are not at all afraid to do their own thing. I met up for coffee with two former teens this week who took up the challenge to spend their freshman year of college living lives of faith and virtue. While it was challenging for them, they shared with me how much their decision positively impacted their entire first year of college. While reflecting on our conversations, the other night it occurred to me how much Alice looks like a young person who has decided to live a life contrary to our culture's norms. She is not doing what everyone else is doing. She is marching to the beat of her own drum, doing what she has decided to do. The thing about living a life of faith as a young person is this...

            You are going to feel like Alice. 

           This may be some of the time, or a lot of the time. You are going to know you are doing something different than most everyone else who surrounds you. You will know that while people are moving left and right, you are spinning around. You will feel out of sync with the way people your age are moving. It is inevitable, yet it is worthwhile.

            And as I think further about Alice, my respect for her grows because it is very apparent - she does not care what anyone else is doing or thinking.

            Alice wants to do what makes her the happiest woman she can be. She is not concerned with going with the flow, or following the lead of someone else, or with what everyone else thinks about her dance moves. She dances the ways she wants to because that is who she is.

            We are moving into this new school year, and for many it is the first weekend in high school or college or back in college. I just wanted to write to you to encourage you today...if you have decided to be like Alice...stand strong and march to the beat of your own drum. Have the courage to do what you know is best for you, not what everyone else seems to be doing.

            Never be afraid to stand for your convictions and do your own dance and let people be amazed by you. 

A Letter to My Girls Leaving for College.

To my girls,

            How I wish I could sit and talk with every one of you before you go.

            All I want is a few moments with you before you jet off to arrive in your new life - heart aflutter, knees shaking, walking into a whole new world. That is not possible, so I wanted to write you a letter and share with you a few things in a letter that I would share with you over coffee.

            I am so thrilled for you to start this new chapter and head out on this new journey. I am excited for you to make new friends and go on fun adventures and learn a million new things about life. This is an incredible time - savor that excitement and the smell of all your fun new things and the awesomeness of all the unknown about to unfold. I know you are looking forward to the newness of it all and meeting people and nights spent staying up late with nobody except yourself to enforce rules. This new beginning is a great celebration. I know you are thrilled to celebrate!

            And I know that you are nervous, too. I know you are nervous about finding friends and fitting in, about classes and doing well in your studies, about what it will be like to be away from home. The thing about being nervous is -- it is perfectly normal. I have never heard of an 18-year-old who left home and wasn't a little nervous. You are in good company -- everyone moving into your dorm has spent a little time wondering or worrying about these things. Know that you are not alone in this, and that all will be well.

            Please also know that college is not the time in your life for "fitting in." College is a time for you to be you. Perhaps you don't know who "you" is...in that case, now is a beautiful and fantastic opportunity to find out more about yourself and who you are - what you like and don't like, what drives you, what you are passionate about, and more. In this search and all your growth, there will be plenty of people who may try to shape you into the person they think you should be. Perhaps that could be your roommate, friends, or boyfriend. Do not listen to that noise. Don't ever listen to that noise. Don't let anyone talk you into doing something you don't want to do or being someone you do not wish to be. I know too many people who wish they had chosen different friends or different relationships because they felt pressured to be someone they were not or be involved in things they didn't want to be involved in. Girls, be who you are. If people don't accept that? Move on and search for people who do. Don't ever feel like you are stuck with the friends you have. Cultivate friendships based in real and true values - not surface junk that makes up so many "friendships" these days. In college, there are plenty of people for you to introduce yourself to and plenty of wonderful friends to be made.

            As for dating in college, this is not high school any more. You deserve to be pursued! You should be taken on dates (however simple they may be on a college budget), and boys should act like men. If you keep the bar set low, they will certainly meet your standards and expectations. But if you keep your standards high, you will give the males around you the opportunity to rise to the occasion of dating an amazing girl like you. Many will not - some will. Don't be overly concerned with getting any certain boy to like you or getting in a relationship. If that happens, wonderful. If it doesn't, just have fun and enjoy this time you have to yourself! Don't spend your time in a relationship you know is bad for you, either, for any reason. I did that for far too long and it is a great regret of both my college experience and my life.

            And you know all those people at the "parties"? Plenty of them are there with the false notion that they must go and get drunk or do drugs to fit in or have fun. And really, that is just pathetic and very sad. So much of the so-called "college experience" centers around this and it can foster so much more bad than good in your heart and in your life. There are thousands of fun things to do in college other than go to parties or get high. I can promise you that.

            As for me, I will not soon forget my college experience - the sights, the sounds, the late nights spent putting news stories together, the incredible amount of Golden Grahams I consumed. I will never forget how crazy it was that no one was making me go to class; I got to choose to go! I will always remember skating around campus at night and studying in the underground library. I will not soon forget how much I loved going to women's studies class and learning about the history of women in America, along with so many of my fun journalism classes. I will never forget the passion the people around me had for journalism and for telling stories. I loved how welcome I felt at the Newman Center, and peace flooded my life when I started going to the daily Mass they offered at noon in the campus chapel for students (I highly recommend you find the one they offer on your campus!). On the other side of things, I will also never forget when 3 months into freshman year a girl in my math class had to tell us she got pregnant at a party and had decided to leave college. Nor will I ever forget the pretty blonde girl who was unconscious on the walkway at night being tended to by paramedics because she drank too much. I saw a number of people fail out of school and I also saw many people excel in their major. I met people who were so kind and inclusive to others and I met people who never had a nice thing to say about anyone. I saw so much good and so much bad during my time in college - and when it comes down to it the most magnificent thing I learned is that I always got to choose. You get to choose, too.

            And with a full heart I hope and pray that you choose to remember your worth. Do not for a moment forget how valuable, loved, beautiful, and smart you are. And if you ever fail to remember these things, don't be hard on yourself. Life is a learning experience and no one gets it all right all the time. Love God, love others, and love yourself. I am so excited for you on your new adventure, and I am still here for each and every one of you if you ever need me.

Lots of love,

Emily

When My Heart Is Broken.

               I was going to write a post speaking to all the young people I have spent time with this summer - I was going to talk to them about how important it is to build a relationship with Christ that does not just depend on a conference "high," but is a lasting, strong relationship.

                I was going to do that, but it can wait for the moment because my heart is broken. My relationship with Christ has compelled me to take a stand against the greatest evil of our time. It seems almost trivial to write about anything with such a broken heart in the midst of the horrifying videos that have been released showing the inner-workings of Planned Parenthood.

                I taught at an all-girls high school for two years. It was a place where I could not talk about abortion because so many of the young women believed that it is our right as women to abort a child we do not want - and they were not afraid to vehemently proclaim it. A discussion always turned into a heated and angry debate, with the pro-life students being belittled and forced into silence. It happens in our Catholic schools and Catholic churches all the time...people being silent about abortion because it is too much of a "hot-button" topic. Don't stir the pot, they say. Some people in the pews and desks are pro-choice, let's keep the peace and not mention it, they say.

                I am done not mentioning it.

                Many  young women I have worked with (and millions of other Americans, for that matter) have been duped by our society into believing that the unborn are clumps of tissue- that if they are not wanted they can be killed - that if I am a woman I get to choose what to do with my body. Many of them believe these things because they have never seen the reality of abortion. My young students raised their voices from their desks about how pro-choice they are, then got angry when people held pro-life signs outside of our school, signs with pictures of aborted babies. How dare they, they would say. "Don't you see?" I wanted to ask them lovingly. When you say you are pro-choice, this is what you are saying you support. If you truly believe what you say you believe, these signs should not bother you in the least.

                I have a continual deep sadness when I think about the confusion of these girls, sadness over conversations with people who have looked me in the face and told me that a fetus is "no less than a parasite on a woman's body," unthinkable sadness at the way our country lets this go on, turning a blind eye to this modern-day holocaust. My heart is broken over it all.

                And today, I saw something I will never be able to unsee. A tiny little arm picked up by tweezers in the lab at Planned Parenthood. It is captured in the 5th video released by the Center for Medical Progress. It is something I never would have seen in real time if not for the valiant steps of the undercover investigators to go as far into Planned Parenthood as they did. Their bravery leaves me in awe. This investigator, posing as someone looking into purchasing aborted baby parts, stands around casually talking about the babies with the ladies working there. He asks if he can see any of the "specimens" (aborted babies), and the woman laughs and smiles.

                "We had a really long day, and they're all mixed up together in a bag."

                All these young souls, the unborn, precious children. Mixed up together in a bag like trash, then dumped into a Pyrex dish so the man can see all the pieces of them.

                This is what I want to show all the confused people, young and old, who have told me that abortion is our right as women and forever should remain our right. This is what I want to show all the people who have told me that they are personally against abortion but that they feel they have no say in what other people do. We have a say in what other people do when the unborn are dismembered and thrown into trash bags, when they are sold for their lungs and their bones, when they are treated as money.

                I want to show them these videos and talk to them. Face to face. Not over Twitter, or Facebook, and not in anger, contempt, or condemnation...but with love. I want to have loving conversations with anyone who is still pro-choice, who supports Planned Parenthood, who is on the fence about abortion, who was happy that the bill did not pass yesterday. I want to help their heart come to understand the reality of what is going on.

                Not only do I want to talk with those who still support abortion, I desperately want to talk to the women right now considering abortion. I want to sit with them and love them and listen to them. I want to show them pictures of my friends who cannot conceive, who are doing everything they can to sacrifice and fund raise to be able to adopt any unwanted child. I want to help direct them to the countless pregnancy counseling centers all over America, where selfless people I know dedicate so much of their time and effort to doing everything they can for women who feel they cannot raise the child in their womb. I want to point them to the love and mercy of God. I want to help and but most days feel helpless in this fight to help these women come to know Christ and come to know the possibilities of incredible life and love apart from abortion.

                And though I often feel helpless, I will continue to pray. I will continue to do my part in the fight against abortion. I will continue to speak up on the issue. I will not be belittled into silence. I will continue to teach young people that they were given a soul at the moment of their conception, that each individual life God painted into existence begins at that very moment. I will continue to teach young women of their dignity and self-worth, in hopes that when they do become pregnant, it is in the context of a loving and sacramental marriage - and if not, that they know the child within them has the same endless worth and dignity that they do.

                What part can you play in helping raise awareness, in helping end the tragedy of abortion?

                My prayer today is that God may bring all the souls involved in this great tragedy to deep conversion, and that He may help us act with great love and with steadfast conviction in this very important turning point for our country and in our world.

The Men We Need.

            At the Life Teen Leadership Conference, a young man stood up and shared a short testimony about learning to share his faith with his male friends. This sparked a conversation  about what one young man standing up to declare his faith can do for other young men - how when one young man in high school or college or the workplace is public about his faith, it gives the young men around him the courage to do the same. 

            The truth of what it means to be a good man is collapsing in the modern world. I am blessed to partake in teaching young men and to watch my friends work with young men and strive to reverse the ways our culture is shaping them. Together, we are helping them believe in what they are called to, the truth what they were made for...

            Real men stand for virtue and real men declare their faith.

            I went to a wedding recently, and arrived early to rehearse music. I entered the church and there were two rows of young men sitting, and I heard the groom's voice loudly and clearly. 

            He was leading his groomsmen in the rosary before his wedding Mass. 

            And it was, in one moment, very symbolic of the picture of what every man could be - a man who knows who his life belongs to...a man who stands for something and leads his friends and the woman God placed in his life to good things...a man who does not cave to the ways of the world but triumphantly lives for something more than the flimsy "manhood" the world wants him to settle for...a man who is not afraid to be vocal about what he knows is truth - loudly and clearly enough that everyone in proximity can hear it.

            It takes one young man to decide to be a leader, to live a life that is different and a life that stands out to make a difference in those around him. I have seen young men decide to take up this challenge with my very own eyes, and I have watched the ripple effect they create by their bravery. Perhaps one man's example does not encourage one of his friends to share his faith; maybe his example gives another young man the open door to ask about the mere existence of God, questions that he has always desired to ask someone. It is a simple formula...courage in one sparks courage in others.

            I know that it is immeasurably challenging to be a man who strives for holiness, who is committed to something or someone or anything at all. Those are the very men our world greatly needs. We need holy men. We need steadfast men. We need courageous men. I am grateful to know so many unbelievable men like Stephen, willing to lead by their example and say...

            I am not afraid to be a leader. I will not cower at the idea of commitment. I am not fearful of standing for truth. I have the courage to do what Christ calls me to do, and I will do it without hesitation.  

            May God continue to raise up good men, and may we, as women, support and encourage them every step of the way in their journey.   

The Blooms Will Come.

            You may be sitting here reading this, and you just want to give up.

            You may be at the end of your rope with that friend, that child, that teen in your ministry, that project, that dream. You have had enough, you are discouraged, you have given them so many chances, you see no progress, no matter how much working or praying you do - nothing seems to make a difference.

            So let me tell you the story of my jacaranda tree.

            When my family moved into our home in 1998, we planted a number of trees on Arbor Day. We made it a family event and many of our friends came to help plant with us. We planted a young jacaranda tree in the front yard - if you have never seen one, jacaranda trees are known for their magnificent lavender-colored blooms.

            Our trees were growing beautifully, but the jacaranda did not seem to want to grow.

            After a good, long time, my mom told me...there is something wrong with the jacaranda, and we have to remove it and plant a tree that will be healthy and grow.

            "We can't give up on the tree, mom. Let's give it a chance."

            So we gave the tree a chance. I watered it and put a piece of garden art by it, hoping perhaps to make it happy, but nothing changed. After a good long time of waiting for some sign of progress, my mom rightfully said again...we have to get rid of it. It had not grown an inch and we needed a good tree for the yard.

            For some reason deep down in my child-like faith, I knew this tree would grow. I said no again, that we would not give up on the tree. So I kept watering it, watching it, waiting patiently, and praying that this tree would show us some sign that it wanted to live.

            And, indeed, after what seemed like an eternity, it began to grow. It slowly but surely grew into a spectacular jacaranda, with the most beautiful lavender-colored flowers that bloom every spring.

            I remember when we realized the tree was alive and growing. It was such a proud moment for me as a young girl...I knew we had to give this tree a good, long, fighting chance to become the thing it was made to be. And we did. And it worked.

            And so I say to you today...do not give up. On that friend, that child, that teen, that project, that dream.

            Continue to water it, continue to fight for it. Give that person the time they need to decide to grow and just love them and pray for them all the while; give that project or dream or calling the time it needs to be watered and taken care of to see any beautiful blooms. Many of the best things in life take time, patience, and perseverance.

            Trust in the Lord with all your heart and pray without ceasing. He is the great gardener. The blooms will come.

Dear Doctor.

Dear Doctor, 

            It happens every time we see one another. You suggest that I take a pill to artificially control my body and I resist. You recommend it again and I resist again. On this most recent visit, you pushed it more firmly because I told you I am getting married this year. You told me that certainly, if I am now going to be sexually active, I should get on birth control. 

            No. Not today, doctor. Not today or ever. 

            We joke about it and it is great that after much prodding you let it go and then quickly send me on my way, but I want to explain better to you why you will not convince me to go on birth control as I approach my wedding day. 

            I look forward to standing next to Daniël on the altar and committing my life to him in this sacrament in front of our friends and family. I am overjoyed at the thought. During the Mass, within the exchange of vows, the priest will look at us both and ask, "Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and His Church?"

            To accept means to consent to receive. We will both answer yes and agree to receive what God wishes to bestow upon us in our life together. This will not be a half-yes, it will not be a maybe yes...it will be a resounding and wholehearted yes. When I say yes to this question, I am making a covenant with my Savior, and a covenant is not something I take lightly. 

            If I say yes and tell God that we will accept children lovingly and openly from His hand and then decide to use birth control in my marriage, I would be lying to God. I would be telling God, who I trust is all good and all loving, that I do not trust His plan for my life. I would be telling God that when it comes to how many children I can handle or afford, I know better than He does. Doctor, I do not believe God will give me eight children if I am supposed to have four, and I do not think he will give me four if He wills me to have eight. If I were to say yes on my part and then use birth control within my marriage, I would be declaring to Him that we want our marriage to be life-giving...but only when we want it to be life-giving. I do not know better than God, and in all of my days I never will.

            Indeed, I am Catholic, and indeed I do have friends with seven and eight children. And I can tell you that the joy in their homes overflows. Indeed, I see only a fraction of the challenges and the frustration they experience, but I witness much more joy, much more grace, and much more love than challenge and frustration. I witness to God's provision for them...when they worry about how to provide for all these children, all these gifts...God has always come through. Their families are reflective of God's love and grace and the abundant gift that children are.  

            Aside from the possibility of controlling the number of children I have, I do not want to control my body artificially, nor do I want to risk the odds of experiencing the debilitating side effects that can come along with doing so. Women have had strokes, become permanently injured, and some have died because of birth control. You always fail to mention this to me. Women dying because of this pill is a deep and serious problem too many are sweeping under the rug. I will not choose to take something that can be so dangerous simply to keep my body from bearing children.

            Doctor, you joke and you tell me that couples like Daniël and I are the reason you buy a new car every year. I am glad that people like us are the reason you can buy cars. If God deems me worthy of being a mother and you get a car because of the paycheck you make from delivering our children, all the better for both of us. I have heard from many that motherhood is beautiful, challenging, stunning, sacrificial, and most importantly the most wonderful gift. I believe it. And I am not afraid because I believe that the grace that God gives us is far beyond what we can fathom. 

            I will never deny God the ability to grant me such a gift. I will never tell God what my limitations are - He knows them as well as He knows every hair on my head.  

            So as I stand and say yes to marriage, yes to a covenant, to a sacrament in December, I will mean yes. I will be handing myself over, surrendering my life once again to the will of our good God, who has never failed me. I trust God with every aspect of my life, every one of my days. He sees the scope of it and I know deep in my soul...whether I have zero children or seven, in all the hardship and all the joy...it will be magnificently beautiful and exactly as He designed it to be.

Magic Mike XXL.

           Magic Mike. It is a movie about male exotic strippers who shake, strip, dance, and gyrate for their female audiences. The first one made 160 million dollars worldwide. 

            People (I would venture to say mostly women) paid 160 million dollars to watch pornography that is passed off as a big, comedic, popular blockbuster movie. Pornography, by definition, is sexually explicit material intended to sexually arouse. Magic Mike fits well into that description.

            And not only that, it seems as though we as women paid so much to watch the first movie that they are gladly giving us a second serving in Magic Mike XXL. Read the reviews of the first movie and you will read about heavy sexual dancing, nudity, rampant casual sex, drinking, drug use, and excessive profanity. By their attendance in droves, the women of our world declared it...please, give us more. And not only are they giving us a sequel, dozens of media outlets speak of how eagerly we as women are awaiting the release of this film.

            I'm sorry, did they say film, or filth?  

            In a clip from the Ellen Degeneres Show with the world-renowned So You Think You Can Dance star "Twitch", Ellen talks Magic Mike XXL with him, jokingly stating, "[In this film] you make a dramatic change in character from a man who wears clothes to a man who does not wear clothes..." and all the women in the audience proceed to hoot and holler like he is a piece of meat. She asks if they want to see a clip of him "making his presence known in a room full of lustful ladies (Vibe.com)" and the women shriek and cheer. Ellen vigorously fans herself after a clip is shown of Twitch gyrating as the women in the dimly-lit room scream and throw money at him. 

            Ellen also had a sit-down conversation with Channing Tatum about the film, in which he discussed what it was like to dance around in a thong and proceeded to say, "There's nothing -- there is very little left to the imagination."

            I take offense to the popularity of Magic Mike's success for many reasons, two of which I want you to consider if you have already planned your date with your girlfriends to see Magic Mike XXL.

            As a Christian, I believe that every person born to this Earth is made in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:27). In 1 Corinthians 6:19, Paul states, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore glorify God with your body." I teach young women across America about modesty and how we can glorify God with our bodies. Many people teach young women about modesty based on the premise that it helps our brothers in Christ in their struggle for chastity. Indeed this is true, but I take the approach that women are to dress their bodies with dignity firstly because God dwells in their bodies. God dwells in the body of each and every person created, and if I respect my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit -- I am to treat the bodies of others as temples of the Holy Spirit.

            Treating someone's body like a piece of meat strips (excuse the pun) that person of the God-given dignity they hold inherently within. Watching extremely muscular, oiled-up men prance around in thongs shows an utter absence of respect for a man's inherent dignity and worth. It is watching pornography that objectifies men rather than women, and for some reason it is declared okay in 2015. It is declared entertainment. It is declared a comedy.

            There is nothing comedic about the objectification of a body, whether that body belongs to a male or female. The objectification of the human person by way of pornography is a two-way street. I want no part of it. And neither should you. 

            My second question I present to you is this...since when are we, as women, okay with supporting something that passes us as women off as shrieking animals with no control over our sexual desires? This movie hired 900 extras - nearly one thousand women paid to stand in strip clubs and throw money on stages where women are objectified day in and day out - paid to stand and scream and cheer as though lust has overtaken their entire being - paid to act like animals. Why are we okay with this? We are more than our sexual desire, we are more than our passions, and we are better than treating men like objects. Paying to watch women act like lustful strip-club-goers states the complete opposite of all these truths. I am not sure a movie with the genders reversed would be allowed on the big screen. But then again, our society is crossing new lines of decency by the day.

            Not only that, as women we are called to be intellectual, sophisticated people capable of thinking deep and beautiful thoughts. We are called to class. We are called to beauty. These movies do not promote depth or substance in any way - it is quite the opposite - they promote everything shallow and patronizing. By paying to see this movie, you are declaring that yes, you are okay with women being presented as shameless, voracious slaves to lust. You are stating that yes, this is the kind of entertainment we as women love, that you can expect us in large crowds because very few of us are still interested in showing up in droves to anything with depth.

            In conclusion, I am asking you to refrain from supporting Magic Mike XXL. Maybe that means backing out on the ladies night, or changing your months-anticipated plans to see it, or perhaps that means sharing this article with a friend who planned to see it. Sure, one woman staying home from this movie will not make a huge difference in the box office numbers. However, choosing not to see this movie saves your mind, your heart, and your soul from watching filth, saves you from being continually desensitized to pornography in our porn-saturated culture, and keeps you from contributing to the objectification of the human person. Choose good for yourself and declare yourself too classy for this waste of time and money. Give a friend a call, go get coffee, and spend your evening talking about deep and beautiful things instead...I assure you it will be much more enjoyable, fulfilling, and meaningful. 

(Thanks to my friend Matt Fradd over at ThePornEffect.com for lending his expertise to this article.)

Thank You.

            About a month ago I wrote a post about my saintly friend Moses in Uganda. I asked for your help in funding his youth conference that means so much to him and the young people of Uganda.

            Yesterday we met the fundraising goal. And we didn't just meet it, we raised 102% of the funds.

            I am overwhelmed by God's providence in answering my prayers for the right people to come along to make this happen. I am so incredibly grateful to so many of my friends and family who donated, as well as all the people I do not know who contributed. Your generosity has brought me great joy.

            I am bursting with gratitude, and so is Moses. Here is the full letter that he wrote to all who contributed financially or through prayer to his mission in his country.

Dear brothers and sisters,

Please accept my heartfelt thanks for your gift donations. My heart is full of joy, my face is beamed with hope and my soul rejoices greatly in the Lord that you have renewed your concern for the Church in Africa particularly in Uganda! Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.

It is very good of you to share in this mission. As you may know, Life Teen Uganda is operating in communities where there a lot of poor families, elderly and teen-headed families. These people are economically helpless and hopeless to the extent that they do not have money and or material resources that they could use to support their households and the ministry activities.

Our goal is to organize such powerful experiences where young people and their families can encounter Christ in deeper ways regardless of financial constraints. Your gift will help in many ways. It will help cover feeding expenses for more than 1000 teenagers who will come for the three days conference, Your gift will also help us inspire, train and empower catholic youth leaders who will go out and make disciples of all nations. Our desire is to see that this mission expands and reach to other parishes in Uganda! With your donation, we shall do a training workshop for the priests, youth ministers and potential core members who feel called to take this mission forward. Thank you for your very kind donation! Your generosity will make an immediate difference in the lives of the youth in Uganda! You are making a difference!

You are personally invited today to become a Champion of the Catholic Youth Ministry in Uganda by partnering with this ministry. Your continued prayers and financial partnership will make it possible for us to share God’s unconditional love and unending hope with young people and their families through our weekly Life nights, worship events, training conference, missions outreaches and more. Without YOU, this would not be possible. Your gifts are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And our God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.

Your loving brother in Christ, Moses

            With God, all things are possible. Thank you.

You Should See the Teens.

Do not say, “I am too young.” Jeremiah 1:7

            It starts to brew right around April.

            It’s that feeling, that knowing that summer is right around the corner. Maybe you know it, too. The summer is a magical time when people are joyful and golden and hearts are lighter and more free. But I do not love the summer mainly because of beach days or barbecues or anything of that sort…those things are certainly wonderful. I love the summer because it is a season filled with weeks upon weeks of amazing teens and their encounters with Jesus Christ.

            In the summer I am humbled day after day for what I am able to witness. These experiences give me great reason to laugh when I hear someone declare, as I did recently...“Millennials just don’t care about religion.”

            I am inclined to invite someone who thinks so to come spend a week with me in the summer and see what I am so blessed to see.

            I spend my summer with young people who shatter the generalization that teenagers just don’t care about anything. Because what I see is teens who care more than many people in this world could probably believe…young people who long for something more, something deep, something that gives their life a purpose and a meaning...teens who surrender themselves to powerful worship, who pray over and with one another, and who spend days or weeks in beautiful fellowship with one another.

            I see teens totally sold out for something completely contrary to what their world is telling them to sell out for.

            And it never gets less incredible or less beautiful.

            I look for words to describe it, but no English suffices. Inspiring, wonderful, amazing…there is not a word that expresses the magnitude. I pass by the lines for Confession…they wrap around walls and rooms and buildings…hundreds of teens who know the power of mercy and know well their need for it…my goodness. They fill up a huge abbey on a hill in Kansas and sing loudly and joyfully to our King, with each step throughout their week of formation bringing them to a great and full surrender of their lives to a loving God. I nearly burst with joy for the opportunity to laugh with these teens and move through crowds of them and hear about their day on the river as I eat with them in the mess hall or eat pizza with them in hotel lobbies on Saturday nights.

            What I feel most blessed by is the view that I can never take for granted for a moment…this view that allows me to watch as Jesus passes by each one of them in adoration. I am humbled, honored to get this most incredible seat from the stage as Christ passes by and anoints them, blesses them, showers them with His love as they reach out their hands as far as they can to touch His clothes.

            They reach out because they know their need and they know they don’t need this world but a Savior.

            I take flight after flight, check into hotel after hotel, and I float around from city to city, in near-speechless awe at what God is doing. I want to tell every person I meet because it is running uncontainable in my bones…

            “The Church isn’t dead. You should see the teens.”

Filling Up the Back Pews.

                Everyone talks about it like it's some longstanding joke. Catholics will all fill up the back pews of the Church. You and I both know it; the back of the Church is always full before the front.

            While at a daily Mass recently at a massive, magnificent church in Orange County, there were very few people in the front. Everyone was scattered around the back of the Church, and the back was incredibly far away from the greatest miracle we can witness every single day.

            Go to a concert and you will see people stand in line for hours to get a seat close to the stage, close to the action, close to the famous musicians. Any concert or show is arguably better from the pit or the front seats…the prices for the orchestra seating at a big show on Broadway usually involve a few figurative arms and legs. These seats are of great value because you can see everything happening first-hand, and not only that, the energy is incredible. I usually end up making friends with people standing close by in the pit at a concert. A group of people crowded together makes for a great sense of belonging, of us all being here for one purpose...because we LOVE this music.

            And I wonder...are we so desensitized to the miracle of the Eucharist that we do not care to be as close to it as possible? Would we stand in line for hours to get a spot in the front pews if we only got to witness this miracle when Jesus came through on tour? And are we so concerned with our individual prayer lives that we each pick our one little seat, scattered across the entire Church, as if we did not feel like a community at all?

            I wonder, really, what it would be like if we all sat in the front pews. That it was a thing, that in every Catholic Church, you filled up the front pews first. Would people who stopped by, who were forced to sit close to others, feel like they belonged to something, and return? Would we make friends because we would be sitting in close proximity to a stranger and feel like maybe we could or should introduce ourselves? Would someone who stopped by a Mass for the first time ever see that we are a community, rather than a scattered group of individual relationships with Jesus? Would we feel more like a community of believers, people gathered together, with the common knowledge that we LOVE this Jesus Christ...who isn't a rock star or a celebrity or great musician, but the King of all the Earth?

Voices.


            We all get to choose the voices we listen to.

            That angel on one shoulder, devil on the other imagery...it seems like an appropriate picture for a woman's life when it comes to the battle of those voices and confidence within ourselves.

            I have been reflecting on the voices lately, after receiving evaluations from a parish event I spoke at last year. There were many wonderful things said, comments that used words like "inspiring" "moving" and "wonderful." Then there were the few that followed, saying, "She was so boring, I couldn't wait until she left the stage"..."Her talk was just awful and she looked SO tired!!!"

            Ouch.

            People have said far worse things about me in my life, but my reaction to this made me pause to think about those voices we listen to. A few years ago, I was a woman who tended toward the habit of letting these negative things said about me shape what I thought of myself. After much prayer and thought, I have been consciously attempting to reconfigure the impact I allow negative comments or thoughts to have on me, and immediately recognized in that moment that I would normally think about the 5 terribly critical comments all day, rather than the 40 great ones. I would over think...how could I have made it less boring for those people, why did I look tired, how could I have made it more engaging, are my talks really that bad, am I reaching anyone? I would not be able to get past the bad that someone said about me to dwell on the good.


            It is what some of us as women do. You can hear 50 people affirm you through a season of your life...but in one brief moment one woman says something terribly mean about you and you cannot navigate around it loud in your head. Are you a woman who listens to the 50 or are you a woman who cannot get around the one?

            The beautiful part, as in everything, is that we get to choose. So I chose. I took it in stride and decided to continue trying to improve my talks as I do after every event, but I decided to listen to the positives. Instead of dwelling on the disheartening ones, I chose to focus on the "wonderful" and "inspiring" and allow those to help me remember that as I continually grow, I am having a positive impact on people and that I must keep going.

            And so I pose the question to you today...which voices do you listen to? Can you allow the positive things people have spoken into your heart be your guide, instead of letting the negative ones shape your self-talk and the decisions you make? Give the positive voices the power. Take the negative voices in stride. Learn, grow, and change. Dwell on affirmation. Listen to Love.

The One Blog I Want You to Read and Share.

"I’m wildly angry that I want to forget the struggle of the poor so I can pin the next pretty idea on Pinterest. Once we have seen the poor, we are responsible — we will make a response. As long as your heart is beating, there’s no such thing as unresponsive. We all look into the face of the poor and it’s either Yes, I will help. Or no, I won’t..."

            I live a comfortable life. When I sit and truly reflect on what I have in comparison to much of the world, it begins to make me sick.  

            I have never had to worry about whether there would be food on the table. I have never had a closet that was not full. I have never been without a roof, without a car, without anything. I have never been without.

            And all this time, throughout my life, I have known about the less fortunate. I know about them. When I was young, I put together a little cardboard box during Lent to donate to poor people. I give money to them on the side of the freeways and I sponsor my sweet little Compassion child Daniel in Ghana and I give. There are a million causes to give to, there are countless worthy GoFundMe pages that fly through my social media every day. But when it comes to responding to the less fortunate the way God calls us to...I know well that I do not give until it really, really hurts. I do not give until I have to trust God that this crazy amount He is asking me to give is really what He wants me to give.

            One day I met a young man while doing ministry in Africa, and I heard about his poor...the poor in his communities, the poor surrounding him in his country. The ones who need necessities as well as the poor in Spirit, the ones who need hope and light in their lives...the ones who need to hear about Jesus.  

            You may know Moses. He is a young man who lives in Uganda. In the Catholic world across America, it sometimes feels as though Moses knows everyone. Sometimes you find out that an acquaintance you have just met knows Moses, too, and you both sit there in the mutual knowing that he is one of the most incredible human beings both of you will ever meet.

            Moses works tirelessly to help his peers and his community encounter Jesus Christ...it is truly unbelievable. In his day to day life, he studies and works as any young man in his early twenties does. He dedicates every spare minute outside of this, every spare ounce of energy in his heart, to giving everything he has to help the people in his country encounter Christ. He never, ever stops giving. As if all of this wasn't enough for a 23-year-old man, he also raises his younger siblings. Both his parents passed away when the children were young, and he became the head of his family as a fourteen-year-old boy.

            I know nothing about sacrifice when I stand next to this young man.

            Moses knows what it means to sacrifice.  

            And I write this piece because there are so few ways I feel I can help one of the most selfless individuals I have met. I will speak at many events this summer. At these events there will probably be great lighting, some fog machines, incredible sound systems and technical set-ups. We will eat Chick-fil-A and laugh and we will not think about how we go without. We will put a little money in the collection baskets that go by, drink clean water out of our water bottles, and praise God collectively for a few days.

            Moses will put on a conference this summer, and just to begin with, he just needs money to feed the teens who come.

            Recently,  I met someone who had gone to this conference in Uganda. He told me of how these teens come to the conference, come from many families who want for many things...and in all their need, during that offering in the middle of Mass, they get up to put the little they have in the basket. And the conviction pierces me straight through my heart because we spend our days carefree going to Chipotle with our friends and buying new bags and cool Vans and we put a few bucks in the basket that passes by.   

            And they are the woman with the two coins...giving when they have nearly nothing to give.

          And so today, I am asking you to give - to give food, something we so take for granted, as well as the Bread of Life - to teens who hunger and thirst for it so deeply in their lives. I am asking you to give to this fund that helps Moses put on a conference that is so incredibly important to him, his teens, and his community.

            "Why would we rather turn a blind eye to the needy than turn to the needy and be like Christ? Do we like our own wants and comfort more than we want to be like Christ?..."

            God has called me to match every donation up to a certain number for the week after I post this. So, if you give $10, I will give $10, so you will really be giving $20. If you give $40, I will give $40, too - $80. I cannot ask you to give if I am not willing to give sacrificially, myself.

            I know from personal experience that it takes one personal encounter with Christ to radically change your life. Will you join me in helping Moses in his mission to bring Jesus to his peers who need Him, that they may have an encounter with the living God? Will you join me in making Moses' selfless heart burst for joy at the generosity of his sisters and brothers in Christ?

"Who is ready to have less so we all have something, or do we all want everything so most get nothing?

We've got all of God. Why not share the rest?" - Ann Voskamp

The link to Moses' campaign is here:

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/give-the-gift-of-the-gospel-2015

When I Want to be There for Them All.

I tell you this
to break your heart,
by which I mean only
that it break open and never close again
to the rest of the world.

-Mary Oliver

            There is a sadness I carry that can be difficult to put words to. Tears usually fall as I try to explain it to anyone who asks.  

            I hold the pain of women in my heart. God has called me to it. 

            When you involve yourself in a profession or place where people share their pain with you, an unresolved part of your heart begins to form. This unresolved place in my own heart is a seemingly endless abyss...it is this part of me that wants to listen to every young woman who exists...but my heart knows that it is an impossibility...

            I want to be there for them all.

            I want to stand with the one who is striving for a deep relationship with God, and giving her life as a teenager to ardent faith, leading her youth group, sometimes wondering if she is making any difference at all...I want to look her in the eyes on days of discouragement and tell her that God sees every moment, He sees her giving and loving and He whispers all day long...you are my beloved daughter, in you I am well pleased. 

            I want to stand with the ones who speak hate to themselves all day long. I want to hold the hands of the one who cries into the mirror, who sobs into her pillow, calling herself ugly, worthless into the air and tell her, remind her, of her worth in Christ...I want to stand next to her in that mirror and remember our worth and our beauty and our magnificence together...

            I want to hold the hand of the young woman with cuts on her arms, trying desperately to deal with pain by inflicting pain. I want to help her to see that pain does not help pain, that Jesus heals all. That Christ binds up our wounds and whatever it is she is going through, He is there in it...ready, waiting to meet her in her suffering...

            I want to listen to the girl whose parents are getting divorced, her family crumbling to the ground right before her eyes, holding it all in because she does not want to be a burden to anyone who passes by. And I want to sit at lunch with the girl who is hiding in the library, or the bathroom, or a classroom, feeling completely unwelcome and alone. I want to tell her, because I know she needs badly to hear someone say, "You can sit with me..." 

            My heart aches to do all these things and I struggle...I want every young woman to have a friend to speak to in hardship and in joy, to be there, and listen to her, and love her. I will never reach every one. It is frustrating and challenging and deeply saddening when I think of the young women who have never even been given the opportunity to be listened to, to feel deeply loved by a friend, or even to hear about Christ. 

            And so I reach out to them as the starfish being tossed back into the sea...one by one...I take their stories one by one and I keep them close as prayers in my heart. Our good God keeps my heart together as I look into the eyes of each one who shares with me. He keeps my eyes fixed on Him as I read the messages of women looking for answers, for acceptance, for someone to love them. He gives me the grace to hold their pain in my heart and hand their pain over to Him. I do not carry what they hand over to me in trust because I know I cannot carry it. Only He can carry it. 

            And as I reach out I recognize God growing this tree where one encouraged woman reaches out to encourage another woman, and branches are built and we grow stronger together by reaching out to one another. I pass on encouragement, and try to pass on light, and love, and grace...and hope that she who I do get to stand with will pass it on to the next who needs this light and love and grace and joy...women passing radiance to one another, creating a golden thread of light that connects us all, held together by the love of one another and by the embrace of our loving God.

You Know the Rules, Right?

       We had just gotten engaged two days before and were at daily Mass together. I told Daniël we should ask the priest for a blessing, because he was the first priest we had come in contact with since we got engaged. 

       So after Mass we saw the priest, introduced ourselves, and asked him if he would give us this blessing. This conversation ensued. 

       Priest: First of all, you guys know the rules right?

       Daniël: The rules?

       Priest: Yeah, the rules. The rules about you being engaged.

       Me: What rules?

       Daniël: Father, please explain further…

       Priest: Just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean you’re married. You don’t get to do the things married people get to do.

        Me (Sensing where he is trying to go): Are you talking about sex? Are you talking about how we’re not supposed to have sex until we’re married?

       Priest: Yes.

       Me: Well…….yeah. Obviously.   

       This was an altogether disappointing and awkward encounter for me. He gave us a very nice blessing after our discussion, but I was sad at the fact that he did not even take a moment to rejoice with us before telling us in a very strange way that just because we are engaged does not mean we can break the “rules.” I find no fault with this priest, as many couples do not choose the same road that Daniël and I have chosen and for some this teaching is not obvious, and I must give him the benefit of the doubt that he was trying to shepherd us in the best way he knew how. But as I thought about my annoyance with the encounter, I thought about how the world thinks along this vane, too…we have loved one another for nearly two years now…gosh, we must be desperate to have sex with each other.

         This is not the case at all. Abstaining from sex until marriage has never been about following a "rule," dreadfully waiting to be released from its' confines. Nor are we in some massive hurry to get married so we can bring that into our relationship. Why? Because our relationship is incredibly wonderful and fulfilling as is…our relationship has consisted solely of getting to know the heart of the other, which has always made me comfortable, happy, and confident throughout our entire dating process. I have never for a moment wondered if I am being used for my body, and I have never questioned what Daniël’s love for me is based on. I am grateful. We decided together to follow the laws of God because we know that God decreed these for the good of our human hearts.  

       The world tells us all day long about how sex is an integral part of any relationship, while most often forgetting to tell us that there are many avenues by which you can show your love to someone other than physically. It tells young people that if you do not know your partner physically and intimately, something is weird, something is wrong. Our culture says that healthy dating relationships are based on a good sex life, and nothing about sacrifice and deep, true, genuine, giving to the other. Just read the headlines on a few magazines for younger people…every other cover story seems to be about dating in regards to sex. I see no headlines or cover stories about sacrifice. 

       I have never had to give of my body to Daniël in order to make our relationship “normal,” nor am I in such a desperate hurry to give of my body to him that as soon as he puts an engagement ring on my hand I decide it’s the same as being in the sacrament of marriage. It’s not. And we know that. The gift of sex is meant for the sacrament of marriage in order to be bonded to your spouse in the most beautiful way, and no, being engaged to someone is not the sacrament of marriage. And that is perfectly okay with me, because when the day does come that we enter into this sacrament, it will be as it was designed to be. It will be within the correct context, the most beautiful context, the safest and most sure context of all – within a grace-filled sacrament in which we have made a covenant with God to love each other no. matter. what.  

       In the meantime, we will continue to love one another for the next many months of this engagement – supporting one another spiritually and emotionally, joyfully encouraging one another to grow to be the people God created us to be, and having a blast all along the way.

The Pressure to Fall.

       Society loves to watch good people fall.

       Recently, I watched an episode of the show Preachers Daughters in order to make a social commentary on it in my women’s sessions. Lifetime Network got a handful of daughters of Christian preachers together and put them in a house exactly as you would see on The Real World. They were sent out under the guise of doing "mission work" with an organization in Mexico. There was no hiding the obvious intention of letting us watch these girls who come from very Christian families with good Christian values go nuts. 

       And indeed they did. The ugliness that ensued in the house is unwatchable. The network got exactly what they wanted...young Christian girls losing their minds drunk, going out to clubs in Mexico (of course they placed the girls in a country where the minimum age to go to clubs is 18), having wild parties at their house and hiring strippers, and screaming and throwing things at one another. They fell, possibly harder than the network had even hoped for or anticipated.

       As I thought about this premise, I could only think of how this scenario plays out in the lives of many good, virtuous young people I know on a smaller scale. It is entirely reflective of what some young Catholics and Christians deal with on a regular basis.

       You may be the good girl or the good guy that everyone knows is the good girl or guy in your family, school, community, or elsewhere. And you may very well have run across people who just want you to give in. You may have friends or acquaintances who pressure you to go against what you believe or try everything they can to set you up for it. Maybe you have heard the comments from one or dozens of people before...things like "I can't WAIT to see you drunk for the first time! We need to get you drunk!" and many, many more.

       Choose virtue and there is a good chance you will run into someone or many people who will want to see you fall. They want you to go to a party or drink because they want to try to prove that it is impossible to have fun without doing so. They want you to have sex because they cannot handle the “archaic” notion that it is possible to value your body and your soul enough to abstain from sex until marriage. They want to try to justify their belief that there is no alternative to going with the flow.  

       Why else would someone have offered to pay any woman one million dollars to prove that Tim Tebow was lying about his virginity? He was the picture of a young man with great character and virtue and some people wanted to prove that it was impossible to maintain such integrity.

       Choose a life of virtue and there is a great possibility you will run across people who bother you about it or pressure you to conform. Pay them no mind. It is okay to be different. It is incredibly worthwhile to be a young person of great integrity and faith.

       Stand firm in what you believe and what you choose. And never, ever be afraid to show others by the way you live that there is an alternative to going with the flow. 

Dear Fiancé.

Dear Fiancé,

       As we prepare for marriage, I have been reflecting lately on the many ways I have grown and changed since you came into my life. I have put some of my thoughts together and what I have come to recognize is the many, many things you have taught me and helped me to remember. You began to teach me on the day we met. 

       This was the first meal we shared. You taught me about Dutch food. You were very kind as you led me, a clueless American girl, through a menu made of a bunch of jumbled up letters in order to help me pick something I would like.

       In those first times we spent together, you began to teach me how to follow. I had to follow you around in an entirely new country and let someone else lead me rather than figure everything out for myself and be in control. That was a challenge but you led me well and made me feel comfortable being the one who wasn't in control of where I was going or what I would do next. You have never stopped leading me since.

       After I met you and had to go home, by your total faith in God's providence I learned to trust God more. You taught me that there are good men in this world who love their Catholic faith. I had lost faith that there were men out there to date who loved those things like I do. You showed me that above all else you wanted to lead me closer to God and suggested we pray a rosary together every week. So I prayed yours that you had given to me…

       And you prayed mine that I had given you. 

       There was not much that could prepare us for the waiting. So we learned to wait together. 

       And when I came back to see what God's crazy plan was for us, you taught me what it is to pursued by a real man. On our first date you planned a private tour of the Basilica I fell in love with on my first trip there. We went to the Onze Lieve Vrouw Basilica and we were let into the shrine room for a brief moment and we kneeled on this kneeler together and you led us in a decade of the rosary because I was too moved and crying too hard to say anything. Thank you for getting us through that one.

       You took me to Amsterdam early on, and we went on train rides like this one together and you let me know that it was okay to just be me. That you liked me for me and that was who you wanted to get to know. So we were us together. 

       You reminded me to take in every moment and that everything is a celebration, every moment is a cause for joy. You planned a trip to Paris and when we got into France you got off the freeway and pulled the car over in the closest parking lot so that we could celebrate my first steps ever in France with some swing dancing. In these moments you helped me remember my joy that had been crushed by a lot of tough events in my life. Thank you.

       You taught me how important St. Michael would be for us. And he certainly has been our great defender.

       One evening we decided to run up the stairs to the Eiffel Tower, and you taught me to just keep on going, even if that meant slowly because of my asthma. You let me take my time, and in doing so taught me that sometimes slow and steady is the way we need to get places and to reach our goal...that if I reach my end goal that is the most important thing of all.

       When we went to the Shrine of the Miraculous Medal, you taught me about creativity and finding creative ways to make things happen. They would not let me in because I was wearing shorts, so you told me to make a skirt out of the dolphin blanket. And it worked. I would have just walked away otherwise. 

       Later on that year, we were in Santa Barbara and we rented a tandem bicycle. You were great at being in the front. I was not. I nearly crashed badly a few times and almost took a few other people out, and I told you I was getting off the bike and you were going to be in the front again. 

       And you would not let me give up. You told me I was going to try and try again until I got it. And eventually I did. And you helped me remember that life is never, ever, ever about giving up.

       We have had some very, very hard days. And in them you taught me new lessons about forgiveness and about teamwork and pushing through.

       And I kept having to leave and you kept teaching me to trust what God was doing.

       You have taught me more about sacrificing than can be put into words. You have shown me by your actions that you know well and deep that love requires great sacrifice. Like the times you have spent Christmases in California instead of Holland so we could spend them together.  

       I have been uncool and nerdy my entire life. You have not been uncool or nerdy a day in your life. You let me sing loudly and dance around, and sometimes my wildness has been embarrassing for us all but you let me be me anyway. You have helped me to learn to just love every facet of my personality and to forget all the mean things that people have said about me. 

       Yes, and you kept having to leave, too, and we held on together and you did not waver.

             And when we were together again, you taught me about our roles in the tasks of gardening we must do every weekend in Holland. I get to pick up chestnuts like a lady and you get to stand in trees and cut them like a man.

       You taught me that when it comes to being pursued, I am and will always be worth going above and beyond for. When I asked for a picnic on this last night of this particular trip, you pulled out all the stops to make sure it was the best picnic ever. You have taught me that I deserve to be continually pursued and that I will never deserve anything less than the best.

        You have truly taught me how to be light hearted and let things go. Over our hundreds of FaceTime and Skype calls you helped me to remain cheerful through everything. You taught me that a cheerful heart is what brings glory to God. You have brought joy to the lives of everyone around you by your spirit and reminded me that life is not meant to be taken too seriously and that the more you joke around and walk around whistling, the better everything becomes.

       You have helped me in countless ways to become more faithful, more cheerful, more trusting, stronger, braver, and more dedicated. I know you will continue to teach me many things as we press forward in this great gift of life God has given us.  Thank you for being one of the great men in this world who chooses virtue, faith, love, and sacrifice. Thank you for the lessons up until now...thank you in great advance for all I will learn through you and your joyful heart in the years to come.